Wanderings
by Paddington
Summary: Written on the premise that Jane was found by Rochester after she ran away.
1. Chapter 1

**This takes place right after Jane has spent her second night out in the fields after being turned away by the villagers.**

I wandered in the fields, roving this way and that. I was beginning to feel the effects of inanition even more acutely than before.

Never before had my life and prospects seemed so bleak; I was a friendless wanderer, despised and cast out by my fellow men. I had read of stories of people in my condition taking refuge in the church, but that door was closed to me. At least for the present, till the curate returned.

Evening approached and with it the certainty of yet another frigid night, my very bones shrunk from the prospect of sleeping on the cold, algid ground.

But there was no help for it, I found a secluded spot in which to rest, a hollow at the base of a tree. I curled myself into it, pulling my cloak over me. But I did not find sleep; I was consumed by the bitterness of despair. I had loved, yet I must not. I felt more cast off by man at the moment than when I had been sent to Lowood. Tears trembled on my eye lids.

"Back you foolish harbinger of indulgent self-pity! I will have naught to do with you. I must stay strong, not give in to the abandonment of bathos." I sternly admonished myself.

But it was a struggle; I had to fight a mighty battle in my mind. For my love of Mr. Rochester was strong and would not yield without a struggle.

The edge of the moon rose over the moor, and the wind began to blow with a low keening.

I pulled my cloak closer over me, but it still offered negligible protection. I shivered watching as my breath frosted in the cold air.

My thoughts flew to Mr. Rochester, how was he fairing? What was he feeling at this moment? How was he reacting to my disappearance?

I remembered the evenings we spent in the library by the fire, how he would look sitting in his chair, I must stop this! It is madness, he is a married man!

I have to wonder if I am one of the souls predestined to be alone all of their lives, touching no one. I have lost all that were dear to my heart, Helen, Adel, Mrs. Fairfax. Mr. Rochester. The pain of being so wrenched from all I love is nigh unbearable, I know that I am not naturally suited to be so isolated, I thrive on congenial conversation, stimulating people. To have had it then to have it snatched away is almost worse than never having experienced it. For now I feel so acutely the loss of it.

If I could only have stayed with my Edward, no, Mr. Rochester.

Why did he have to do this, why must I still love him even though I know it is a sin? How long till I cease to feel as if my heart is being constricted to annihilation?

I fell into a fitful sleep, and woke before dawn, my limbs were cramped and numb, and my head was giddy. I had developed a hoarse cough in the night. I noticed my clothes were wet through from the heavy dew that had fallen, mud clung in patches to my skirt, I did my best to brush them away, but I could see that I had only made it worse. I looked around, I did not realize that I had strayed so far from the road, I was unsure how far it would be back to the village, but I had no choice, I must once again beg for my food. It was a humbling thing to be dependant on others for my sustenance, I would not have considered it if I had not been on the very edge of starvation. Maybe God was choosing to punish me for my pride and arrogance, maybe I was meant to suffer.

I set out on weary feet, stumbling as I trudged towards the village.

The sky was a sullen, leaden grey. The clouds hung heavy and low over the moor, and before long a heavy mist began to descend.

My clothes became even heavier as they drank in more water.

I walked for a mile over the cold desolate fields growing ever more faint and weak; till I was convinced that I was lost. I turned to retrace my steps, to find my way back to some human habitation - but then my limbs shuddered and grew heavy. I stumbled and fell onto the sweet moor grass - I was convinced that I was to die out in the fields like an animal.

In a cruel twist of fate, my brain remained very alert, lest my suffering be ameliorated prematurely.

I could feel the vibration all through my body of nerves too long strained past their breaking point. My mind began to dwell unbidden on the memories I had of gradually coming alive at Thornfield. I could see Mrs. Fairfax, and smell the tea that we shared so often. Hear Adel's sweet innocent laughter.

But then my body began to be wracked by terrible agues. I was no stranger to cold, but even at Lowood I had never felt a cold like this, it was a bitter and biting cold that seemed to consume my very bones.

I do not want to dwell too vividly on the next passage of time, suffice it to say by the coming of night I had descended into the weird dreams and fantastical horrors of delirium, no longer able to separate my fevered dreams from reality.

By the next sunrise I was close to deaths door, no longer knowing myself.

As I lay there waiting for death to come and claim me, I thought I heard voices in the distance, but I was too weak to call for help. They approached closer to me, then there rose a shouting that brought pain to my head - and then I was taken and born away. I had no idea who had taken me or where I was going, I apathetically let them do as they wished, for indeed I was too weak to resist if I had thought to.

I felt my head being lifted, then something was trickled into my mouth, it burned and caused me to choke, but after I had swallowed it I could feel the faintest vein of warmth run through my body. I felt blankets being heaped over me till I was oppressed by the weight of them.

I managed to open my eyes for a moment, all was indistinct to my eyes, I had difficulty focusing at first, then I saw I was with two men, but they were unfamiliar to me, one of the men seeing my eyes on him spoke to me, "Miss Eyre, we are taking you home." I could not help but wonder who Miss Eyre was.


	2. Chapter 2

For days I knew not of where I was or what had happened to me. I was vaguely aware of being moved in and out of a carriage. I somehow felt as if I had traveled for many days, unceasingly. The sounds of the horses' hooves on the stones hurt my head unbearably. I was filled with relief when after what I perceived to be an age of suffering the movement and sound stopped. I was dimly aware of being carried into a building and being put on a bed.

But thereafter I have no real memory; I was lost in nightmares and terror. It seemed to me as if I was once again left in the red room, I cried and implored to be let out, terror filling my soul, but ever, arms held me back from escaping. I was frantically fighting the imprisoning arms desperate to escape the haunted room, but I was not allowed to leave, I was held there in torment, till all I could do was weakly cry, begging for Aunt Reed's forgiveness. Then there were times when Uncle Reed's spirit would come towards me, a preternatural dark shadow that hovered in the room. I would then scream till my throat could no longer sustain the stress, then I would be reduced to whispering my fear to the darkness.

The only relief came when I was held in the apothecary's arms, I felt as if I at last had a refuge against the world, one who did not despise and hate me.

But all too soon I was at Lowood shivering under my covers, crying myself to sleep, hungry and forsaken. I would be left standing on the chair in shame, branded a liar, my tears falling, yet I might not wipe them away.

I thought I could see Helen in the distance; it would always seem to me that she was calling for me to join her, but I was thwarted by a tall wall of stone, I would try and climb it, but hands would pull me down every time I approached the top. I would cry for her to wait for me, but she would never stop, just look over her shoulder and smile at me sadly till she disappeared in the horizon, leaving me weeping in the agony of hopeless despair.

Then I was lying in the bed with her, she was dead, I would cry for her to come back, that I could not bear to be left alone. But every time I clasped her cold, alabaster form to me, I was pulled away. Sobbing I would entreat to be left with her, I did not want to be alone in the world. At times like this I thought my heart would burst with the pain of loosing my dearest friend.

Vaguely at times like those I would be aware of another person who was always by my side, who watched me with unceasing care, but I was to weary to care who it was that guarded me so tenderly.

Thereafter I was wandering alone in darkness. Desolate and weary, I would look for some place to rest, but could never find a haven. I was condemned to walk unendingly through the earth and never find a place to rest my weary body.

Then, thankfully, that phase of my suffering ended and I was left weak and attenuated. Too ill to even lift my head with out support, I was aware I was in a bed, but was unfamiliar with the room. There was a constant presence in the room - when the pangs of illness caused me to cry out, I was sure to find the person by me in an instant. If I was lost in the depths of dreams I would be pulled out by gentle whispers, the meaning of which eluded me, but the voice was infinitely soft and comforting.

When the darkness of my dreams enveloped me, and I was fighting to escape, I was sure to wake and find I was being held in arms that were as gentle as they were restrictive.

I was too weary to give thought as to the identity of my benefactor; at that time even breathing seemed to draw more strength than I had.

The person who attended me while I was in the stupor was vigilant and masterful, I was always being prompted to take broths and wine, and any pettishness I displayed was met with an equal amount of stubbornness and resolution.

One night I awoke choked with flame and smoke, the door burst open and I was lifted from the bed and born away, with a faint wonder I saw the whole house seemed to be involved in the conflagration.


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard to breathe; I was choked with the smoke and dust of the collapsing building, my eyes started to burn-it felt as if there were grains of sand in them causing excruciating pain when I tried to blink.

If I had been a nomad lost in the Sahara desert for many days beset by sand storms, my suffering could not have been greater than this.

As it became ever more labored to draw breath, my shoulders heaved with the strain of it, and I could fell my throat slowly closing in a deadly attempt to block the noxious fumes-then suddenly a wet cloth was place over my face. Terror struck, convinced that this was yet another form of torment, that I was to be slowly asphyxiated, (my dreams were not yet revealed as such to my mind.)

I frenetically clutched at the cloth on my face endeavoring to remove it and breathe deeply, but I felt my hands gripped by bands of iron.

I struggled as one possessed to free myself from the arms that bore me away, fighting to free myself of the horrid suffocation inflicted.

I gathered all of my recovering strength; I became quite desperate and fought with my persecutor, pouring all of my determination of will into the fight. But soon, spent, weak, and ineffective, I ceased my fight, too depleted to sustain the contest.

I began to feel light headed from the lack of life sustaining oxygen to my lungs; my violent paroxysm had accelerated the slow suffocation that I was convinced I was to suffer.

My arms and hands fell nerveless , I could no longer sustain the weight of my head, I grew limp, I could feel that I was being carried in haste, indeed , I could hear the sounds of running, then I was set down and the last solid impression I had was of the cloth being lifted from me.

I was awoken after an indeterminate amount of time by spasm of coughing that tore through me, I felt as if my chest were on fire, I could not stop the violent expulsive efforts, till seemed as if I could not draw breath.

The door to my chambers was abruptly thrown open and I felt myself lifted from the pillow, a glass being held to my lips, the contents were tilted into my mouth; it was foul, dark and thick. I tried to turn away from it, but I was not permitted to till the draught had been entirely swallowed. Then the arm that was supporting me lowered me back onto my pillow. The unpleasant draught did have an ameliorative effect on my cough, I could now draw breath with out a paroxysm following.

I struggled to speak-I felt as if I must ascertain were I was-my identity.

But all that proceeded out of my mouth were the merest grunts and moaning, not even identifiable as human speech.

Frustrated, I persevered in my endeavor to communicate till a restraining finger was placed on my lips.

"Hush now, don't talk. You are too weak, later, after you rest more-you will be able to communicate."

I looked at him, for I had ascertained it was a male, full of wonderment and inquiry.

There was a perfect cacophony of questions and thoughts filling my head with confusion, and discord; it almost seemed too much to bear. I could feel a throbbing pain begin in my skull.

I became aware of an overpowering thirst, but I had no way in which to request water, helpless tears sprung to my eyes, forced from me by the exigency of weakness.

Then I was again lifted, and a glass of water was held to my lips. I gratefully drank it; I don't think that even the nectar or ambrosia of the heathen gods could have tasted more refreshing to me at the moment than the cool, limpid water did.

How had he known? Was he a sorcerer, able through the practice of dark occultist arts to read minds?

As I wrestled with the question I felt an overpowering fatigue come on me, there must have been a narcotic mixed in the medicine I had taken earlier. My eyes grew heavy as though weighted.

My cold hand was clasped in a warm grip.

"Rest."

He reached his hand and stroked my cheek, but instinctively I drew back and turned my head away. For I knew I must not allow it.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, or was it night? Time seemed to pass to erratically now, I found I was being examined by a physician. He was speaking in a low voice to someone in the room; I had to strain to make out the words.

"Pneumonia…smoke inhalation complications…" This was alarming to me; Bessie had always used the threat of a pneumonia induced fatality, to cajole me into compliance if I was being contumacious about coming indoors out of the weather.

I had always regarded the disease as a dread malady. Indeed, I had witnessed many of my school mates succumb to its grip at Lowood. Far more died than recovered. I feared it only a little less than the typhus, I could not help fearing it, even though I knew it to be a sin, but it was ever so with me, - I would always feel it was better to be alive here, and enjoy the trials thereof than to be whisked away to a land of unending bliss where I was afraid I would be but remotely aware of my family and friends, where I might not feel as vividly and intensely as I did here.

From the corner of my eye I could see the figures of two men standing close together, their shadows merged on the wall to form a frightful impression of a two headed monster I had seen illustrated in a book as a child, the illusion was made all the more gruesome by the flickering candlelight. "Enough!" I chastised myself, "This is nothing more than a fevered imagining-there is no monster here, only my too vivid mind making associations from childhood."

I was in a room lavishly appointed, thick heavy velvet draperies were hanging from the windows. I could see that everything in the room was so elegant and sumptuous as to please the most exacting taste, the most refined sensibilities, I was perplexed, for I knew not where I was and how someone such as I had merited being surrounded by such opulence and excess. Only at Gateshead had I seen rooms such as this. But I was sure I was not there, I had memories of being at Lowood School and the trials and tribulations undergone there. I was pleased to have my memory returning, I cast my mind back, I could clearly recall my childhood at Gateshead and subsequent banishment to Lowood, but after Helen's death it became murkier and more abstruse for me to decipher.

I was too weary to inquire further at the time, even though I struggled to remain awake, I gradually fell asleep still hearing the murmur of voices in the room.

It was light when I next awoke, the light streamed in at the windows causing me to blink and turn away. The light was painful to my eyes, giving me a dull throbbing in my temples.

Upon hearing me shift in bed a woman came over, "Why hello there! I am glad you are awake, how are you feelin' this mornin'?"

She was a motherly looking sort of person, round and short of stature, with a square solid face. Somehow I felt at ease with her. I gave her a small smile, for I found I still could not talk., though I was bursting with questions.

"Ah, he'll be fair overjoyed to find you awake, that he will!" she lifted me and beat my pillows then laid me back. "I'm to go tell him at once." Still smiling she scurried out of the room, leaving me lost in thought, there was a feeling of dread, of certain pain and agony impending-though I knew not why.

The door opened and a man proceed to my bedside, he sat in a chair and then scrutinized my face. "Pull the curtains closed in here, it is too bright, the harsh illumination is too much for her." He ordered imperiously.

There was a welcome ceasing of pain as the windows were shaded. "Thank you, Maggie."

I turned my eyes to the figure who had twice now read my mind, who had seemed to divine out of thin air what I most needed to say but was unable to vocalize.

He leaned closer to the bed, "Now, Jane, is that better?"

I nodded. He was not a handsome man to be sure, his face seemed to be worn by many worries and cares, his features were harsh and irregular-giving him a grim and threatening visage.

His face softened into a smile at my frank scrutiny.

"Well, do you think me handsome?" there was raillery in his tone, an amusement at a joke I did not share. I shook my head.

Unexpectedly he began to laugh at my response, I was filled with a flash of indignation, I thought it unjust and malicious to make a mockery of me.

He sobered in an instant, seeing my reaction "Oh, Jane, I never meant to offend you. It was just that the direct, searching way you scanned my face brought back memories." He smiled down at me and reached for my hand pressing it to his lips before I could remove it.

My hand seemed as if it burned with sudden fire, my head swum with confusion. I hastily pulled it away, knowing that as pleasant as his caresses were, it was poisoned honey, which I must not partake of.

He gave a shuddering sigh, and looked at me with pain.

I gathered together all of my flagging energy to make one more attempt at communication.

Somehow I felt as if I could not bear to cause this person pain if I could help it. My very heart seemed to be condemning me for my action. Even while my head insisted it must be so.

"Sir, I do not know you," my low voice was harsh and ragged, hardly more than a whisper.

His eyes widened slightly, and then he spoke softly "I am Edward Rochester, and you are my wife."

Reader, my whole being seemed to rise up and reject the statement. Exhausted and spent, I wrestled with memories that crashed down on me, nearly smothering me with there weight. I struggled to breath out, "My … name… is… Jane Eyre" Darkness closed the scene.


	5. Chapter 5

**I want to thank all of my kind reviewers who left such inspiring feedback. I was afraid that I could never do more than ruin and besmirch one of the greatest books of all time if I was to attempt my story.**

I woke to find my fevered faced being bathed by Mr. Rochester's hand. I felt very weak, as if I had no reserve of strength, as if I was in a struggle for my very life, which, indeed as I learned later, by the nature of my illness I was. He was leaning over me with a look of pain and concern on his visage. I could not help but notice the usually firm and steady hand seemed to be shaking.

"Jane, Jane, are you quite well?" I gazed at him; I now perceived entirely the full extent of the past days or weeks. I remembered with savage clarity the events of Thornfeild.

His falsity and deception, his wife. His wife! - How those two words blasted my heart, and lay to ruin any hope of happiness present or future!

I turned away from him in a vain attempt to conceal the tears that were forming. I wrestled with a mutinous heart that would strive to break through and declare such a love as ours could not be divided.

But too well I knew I could not heed such a siren voice, tempting me towards destruction. My principles and beliefs were the only things that I felt that I could rely on at this time, the only true compass to guide me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, heard Mr. Rochester entreating me to turn back towards him, but I could not at the time, I was too exhausted to steel myself to confront him for his behavior, to heartsick to upbraid him. A thousand times better would it have been if he had left me to die on the moor, death would be preferable to this.

I felt him take me in his arms and pillow my head on his waistcoat. He wiped away my tears, and then with a heavy sigh he rested his cheek on my head. He held me in silence, waiting I suppose till I had composed myself. Once my tears had subsided he gently placed me back on my pillow, and gave me a glass of water. After I had imbibed it I turned to him, I wished to know in what manner of place I was, where I had been taken and how I got here. When Mr. Rochester saw that I wanted to speak he leaned close in to me to spare me the trouble of straining my voice. "Where am I?"

"You are at the – Hotel in London; I removed you hence after the fire." I gazed at him in perplexity; I had not imagined the fire was a real occurrence.

He saw that I was not cognizant of the events to which he adverted to." Would you care to hear the entire narrative, of how you came to be here?"

I nodded; I felt that if I could but find out how I arrived at such a place, I might feel less disoriented.

He captured my hand in his and held it in spite of my attempt to free it.

"Let me start at the beginning, I will be brief and keep the narrative short because I can see that you are weary. When I woke in the morning and sent for you, only to have it discovered that you had fled in the night, I was nearly beside myself with worry and fear, I knew that you had no where that you could go, nowhere to turn for succor. I was frantic, I hired riders from the town to begin a search for you, indeed, I would have gone myself, but for the fear that you would be found and I not here to receive you. I raged in my study for days, all the while images of what could be happening to you ran through my head,- the torture; I assure you, was acute.

Then, nearly a week after, I heard the sounds of a carriage in the courtyard. Jane; I thought myself going mad, so franticly did I dash out to see who it was,- imagine my disappointment then, when I saw only Carter, the surgeon disembarking. I could have wept in impotent frustration, I somehow knew you were in great distress, I knew you were in pain, yet I could not reach you to assist the one I most dearly loved.

Then in an instant, I was transported, Carter told me you had indeed been found, and were at that very moment on your way to Thornfeild. He had come on ahead to prepare me, and get the house staff prepared. I do not think even the father who rushed out to greet his long lost prodigal son could have felt more joy that I on that night, I was at last to be rejoined by my love, we could again be together, share the same thoughts, I could show more of life to you, I could find respite from my gloomy thoughts in your quick answers and demure replies, never pert , but always unexpected, I longed to have my little sprite at my side again,- but I digress…it seemed I waited an age till I at last could hear the sounds of the horses' hooves on the gravel. I sprang to the door before the carriage had even stopped and wrenched it open to clasp you in my arms.

But I was not prepared for the sight which met my eyes, you were so white and pale, wasted and emaciated from your troubles I could scarcely recognize you.

My consternation and fear only intensified as I picked up your slight, little form in my arms, I have lifted Pilot and found more substance, than I encountered when I lifted you!

Then my fears took yet another, darker turn, for you were burning with fever, you did not even know me. Your clear bright eyes were clouded by suffering and the fright of your delirium. I carried you into a guest room and placed you on the bed, Carter commenced an examination which revealed you were more than half starved, and nearly perishing from exposure, he had doubts whether you would survive the night. But I knew you too well, I knew your strength of will and passion for life would not let you sink silently into the depths

I was at your side constantly, through the long nights that followed, - when you raved in your delirium, I was there to hold you, when you were undergoing cruel imprisonment at the mercy of your aunt , I held and reassured you, when you were parted from your friend Helen I held you in my arms and stilled your agony. In the long darkness of night I sat unceasingly by your side, tempting you to take sustenance. My hand alone was the one that tended you, not even Mrs. Fairfax was allowed to sit with you.

Then one night as I was keeping my accustomed vigil, I smelled smoke; I rushed out to the hall and saw indeed that the hall was well on its way to being fully consumed. I ran back into your room and gathered you up, stopping only so long as it took to moisten my stock in the basin and place it over your face, then I bore you out of the room; Jane, you fought me like a thing possessed, at times I was afraid your violent struggles would dislodge my grip, so I attempted to imprison your hands. You fought till you were overcome with the smoke and your own weakness.

In that fire, the arsonist perished, why do you start so Jane? Now being without a place to live in comfort while tending to my own dearest, I removed you to this hotel, placed you in the grandest suit as befits my beloved,

"I suppose you are vexed with me for saying you are my wife; Jane, please understand me, do not fear that I would wish to cajole you into consenting to a fraudulent, unholy union.

I let it be known that you were my wife to shelter you from any taint of scandal, and indeed as my wife I regard you still, for you _are_ mine.

I brought you here after the fire and took on a maid to tend to you, the woman you called my wife is dead, having perished in the flames. We are now free to be joined as God would have us, never fear that I would persevere in my attempt to seduce you, I was mad then myself, and curse myself for what in my heedless folly I would have done. Jane, I was wrong to treat you so."

I looked at him, all of my being was crying out for me to forgive him but in my illness I knew not what to do. How could I trust him again? Mr. Rochester could see my face harden I suppose, for he leaned in yet closer and whispered this in my ear. "I know you, you will use this against me, you will hold your offence as a wall to shut me out, I will not allow it Jane, I will not allow you to leave me again, I can not bear the idea of you out in the world alone, whilst I spend my life searching for you, you are my desire, my life. I am not so mistaken in my make up, so full of flaws and imperfections, but yet I see redemption. I love you as I would the most desired jewel… But you are far to weary, Jane, my narrative has taxed you past your strength."

This said he sat back in the chair and watched me, his dark eyes brooding and morose, till I fell again into slumber.


	6. Chapter 6

Reader! I felt myself in a terrible quandary – Mrs. Rochester was dead, yet I could not regard myself as free to accept his tenderness, I, who with every breath that I drew, longed for him, craved to be near him with every fiber in my too passionate nature, yet I could not allow what I most desired.

It seemed too cruel of an irony that I would be left so much at the mercy of Mr. Rochester. That indeed I would likely die without his assistance.

Yet the payment that he most wanted I was unable to render up to him, I could not so soon forget the lies, and deception he had duped me with, I even felt resentment for it at times, It seemed unworthy of him that he would so play upon a poor, naïve orphan and plan to take advantage of her inexperience. But no! I could not dwell on this strain of thought for very long. He loved me; I knew that with every beat of my heart. He never asked for payment, and would have been deeply wounded at me hinting such a thing, but the fact still lay there bleak and inexorable, that I must not allow him hope of my relenting towards him.

I restlessly tossed on my pillows fevered and listless, waiting for the dawn, but when it came it was dark and tinged with red.

Then after an interval there was a tap on the door, I lifted myself up as best I could, both hoping and fearing Mr. Rochester's presence. The door opened inward slowly, my heart began to palpate in my chest, the person entered, it was only Maggie.

I fell back on my pillow, filled with a strange feeling of loss.

"AH, good mornin' to you! How do you find yourself today?"

I nodded to indicate that I felt tolerably well.

"Well, the masters done left you a letter to be delivered by me to give to you first thing this morning, so here it is, I shall leave you alone with it while I get you breakfast." That said she laid an envelope on the counterpane on the bed beside me and left the room.

I knew the hand at once as being Mr. Rochester's, even if it had not been told me I would have recognized it, I would know the bold dashing hand anywhere. I opened it.

**My Dearest Jane,**

**I am writing you this letter to inform you that I have taken myself to the town of Millcote, I have matters of business to attend to there, I would gladly have seen all of the estate burned down , but as it did not, I still have tenants who require their landlord, plus I have many affairs to tie up in regards to the house, and will be finding suitable places for many of the servants.**

I put the letter down for a moment, yes; I could well see him with a sarcastic smile as he lamented his duties as a landlordIt was very like him to place all of his staff, he was a good, kind master, I sighed and turned back to my letter.

**I think that I shall be gone for some extended length of time. Jane, I do this for you, I think you would be more comfortable for a space if I were not so near to you.**

**There is nothing in my life as dear to me as you, and I would treat you as the most rare of jewels, as indeed you are to me.**

**I could see on my last visit that my presence was distressing to you; I will not say that it did not pain me, but I am cognizant that the fault is entirely mine.**

**And since mine was the fault, so shall the reparation be. I made up my mind upon leaving you chamber that I would take myself away and let you recover unimpeded by myself.**

**Jane, my love, my life! I will not return to your side till you call me there, I have made every arrangement for you, you will be well taken care of, I have seen to that. And if you need anything you only have to ask and it will be provided.**

**Jane! I do beg of you to allow me to write to you! I do not want to be exiled completely from you, if I may write to you, please send me a note at once, for already I am on fire for you, and I have not yet left the hotel.**

**Jane! This will be the hardest trial I have ever undergone, my resolution falters even now, please, my Jane, do not wait long to call me back, Edward**

In a moment of weakness I pressed the missive to my lips. Mr. Rochester gone!

I could not comprehend the letter at first, I had to re-read it many times for the meaning to sink in, he would not be back till I called him. He had included an address on the bottom of the note, I stared at it till the letters crossed and became gibberish to my eyes.

So, he was gone. And I alone had the power to call him to my side.

I could not resist a curious feeling of pain, but I quickly attributed it to my weakness, and upbraided myself for the indulgence. This was a good thing, I admonished myself, - it was well that I could spend my time in calm reflection, as for staying on here once I was recovered, it was a thing impossible. I would not stay once I had my health back, I was not certain what course to take, but , I reflected, I should have plenty of time to find out the most expedient course, for at the moment I could scarcely lift my head from the pillow.

There was a sudden burst of emotion in my breast, I felt as if I could not bear to have him so far from me, I wanted to call him back, I longed to feel him hold me, to have the person who most understood me, was the most sympathetic to me by my side. But cold calm reason once again asserted herself – I could not allow emotion to rule me, I must be guided by a more trusty and rational guide, I could not let myself be overcome by the sweeping tides of emotion, "But I feel as if the cold logic of reason would kill me!" I exclaimed to the room passionately, tears making there way down my face. There was a clatter from the door and my breakfast tray was brought in. I was so distracted from the letter I could find no appetite with which to eat the food before me, all of my mental faculties seemed to be involved in the struggle, do I write to Mr. Rochester or not?


	7. Chapter 7

The days seemed to pass slowly, I was accustomed to be a creature of activity, I found that a sedentary life did not suit my taste at all. Even as feverish as I was I longed to be up and doing tasks, but it had been firmly prohibited by my physician.

I entertained the idea of taking in some plain needle work and so earning a trifle when I had sufficiently recovered. But even that idea could not be effected till my eyes had grown stronger. During this time it seemed as if the hands on the clock moved forwards more slowly than had been there wont, the very ticks of the second hand seemed to delay. Never before had my life felt so purposeless, I was given small tasks in the nursery as a child, at Lowood I was given specific duties for all but one half of an hour of the day. Then later as a teacher I was busy and structured, the same rule applied as a governess. But now I could do nothing, nothing except lay here on the bed and try and not think of what had transpired in my life.

It was at this time I had become aware of another misfortune - It seems while in my fevered, delirious state that my hair had been cut very close to my head in a vain attempt to reduce my fever, leaving me looking even plainer and less womanly than before. It was a difficult burden to bear, I had never been vain, I was too sensible of my appearance to have any false pride, but still it was a grievous blow when I first touched a hand to smooth my hair and discovered a thatch.

One day when I had been feeling especially restive. There came a knock at the door, and Maggie entered, with a small parcel, "Well, good news my dear! The surgeon has given permission for you to be given books that will help you pass the time, I am sure, now you won't be lying here all the time looking so sad." The good woman bustled around the room cheerful and busy.

I envied her at times, I felt so lost an forlorn now, I had been raised with the view and understanding that my only worth, the only thing I was here for was to labor, and now being deprived of that, I felt as if I was adrift, a lone survivor of a tragic shipwreck, disoriented, hopeless, - and incapable of helping himself, buffeted by the waves of a cruel and merciless fate.

Illness had robbed me of the ability to be independent; I felt it was hard to be so weak. I was angry with myself that I could not by the sheer force of my will aid in hasting my recovery. Anxious to discover the books I opened one of them with interest, it was one I had never before read, such frivolity not being condoned at Lowood; it was a volume of poetry, and I became engrossed in the lines and meters of the verse. The afternoon flew by, once I had completed my book I looked at the others on the bed.

They were of a peculiar taste, not at all what one would expect to give a governess, or even a fine lady. There were volumes of Shakespeare, mostly historical plays, and some comedies, but there was a conspicuous lack of his tragedies. Pope, Grey, Donne, were all amply represented, there were even books in simple Latin, I received the books like a starving man accepts sustenance. I had gone through all of the books in two days. I even read the books in Latin; it was not as difficult as I had imagined it should be.

I was supremely happy during those hours, I felt the most diverted that I had been. I re-read the books till I had them almost committed to memory.

Then I received another parcel of books from a well known book seller in London. It was mostly Greek mythology, written in Latin, but there were books of religion, and travel as well. I perused the pages eagerly, applying my mind to the interpretation of the new language. I was now almost perfectly happy; my mind was not inclined to brood when so occupied. It was a welcome relief to the dark thoughts that followed me ever present and haunting.

I said 'almost' perfectly happy, for there were times in the night when the walls seemed to close in upon me, when the air seemed to grow thick with my passion and despair, when my sobs were muffled into the pillow. Even God himself seemed to turn a deaf ear at such times.

But I found that I could still the tumult in my breast, if I read a book, such delight was mine in reading the pages, it seemed that I was insatiable, I voraciously consumed the books, sometimes even upon putting the book down I would find a smile on my face.

Many a night did I loose myself in the pages of Goldsmith, or fright myself with the Brothers Grimm and there dark tales. The nights now did not seem as long and the darkness was less shrouding than previously.

Then one day I was sent a book filled with reproductions of famous paintings, and sculptures. I had many times longed to see them, and it was pure delight to hold a passport to their beauty in my hands. I could feel my mind slowly expanding as new horizons were opened up and broader view entered my mind and understanding. I rejoiced to receive volumes of philosophy, indeed there was hardly any subject that was not given to me. Reader, - I can divine you are asking yourself where the books came from, they came to me from my master, it was his hand that picked them out and sent them to me. I knew it well even if I had no letter or note advising me of this. The mind that picked them out was in every respect one with my own, these were the very books I would have chosen if I had the means to do so.

I was very grateful for them and a thousand times picked up my pen to thank him, but always put it down again unused, I had no words with which to say what I wanted to, this was indeed a strange development, I who was so passionate and never at a true loss of words, I could not form words together, I had no knowledge of what to say, for I had no idea what I should do.

I still longed for him, but as I improved in health and spirit I found that I was more successful in hardening myself against him.

Then a day arrived when I was allowed to get out of bed and sit in a chair.

Thereafter I could feel myself getting better by the day, new strength and vigor seemed to steal itself in my slight frame. My hair grew out more and seemed less puerile than before.

I looked forwards with great anticipation to the day I could be released from my room and was allowed to go out in the garden behind the hotel. Full four months went by, but at last I could go out for short walks.

It was at this time I began to make plans to advertise once more.

My letter from Mr. Rochester lay unopened now, I never pulled it out of its envelope to re-read it.


	8. Chapter 8

I was troubled, in spite of my returning health and energy. I was always conscious of a dearth; there was yet something incomplete in my life. I could read wonderful books that opened up regions unknown; but I had no one with whom to share my thoughts and impressions of them.

It seemed to me that I could not enjoy them as fully as I might have were there a kindred mind that I could converse with.

In truth, I was lonely.

I would sit and look out on the London street below my window, the surging masses of people seemed strange and exciting to my eyes. Lowood was the most populace place I had dwelt, and these throngs of gaily clad strangers dazzled my eyes, I found it diverting to watch the antics and mannerisms of them for as long as they were in my sight.

But there was a troubling tendency for the men to look like Mr. Rochester. My heart would beat fast and I would catch my breath, but invariably it would turn out to be just a figment of my imagination. I would catch myself feeling disappointed and would soundly berate myself, pronouncing anathemas on my foolishness.

There was one day that stands above the rest in my mind; I was sitting at my table preparing yet another letter to send out advertising as a governess, when I heard a voice shouting "Down Pilot!" In an instant I had flow to the window and scanned the street below. There was but a coachman chastising his recaltricent horse.

I felt at that moment that I could not bear it any longer; it seemed as if I _must_ write and beg him to come to me. Yet again for the millionth time I was caught in the middle of a fierce battle.

I flung myself on the bed in tears. I knew I could not much longer endure being kept by him in this hotel, yet I had not received a single reply to my inquiries, though that was hardly surprising, in a town where there were sure to be more applicants than posts, and most would be better qualified than myself.

I knew not what to do or where to go, how to sustain myself; and then I thought about the letter Mr. Rochester had written to me, could I not beg of him to assist me in finding a post?

Surely he would see the necessity of it as well as me.

I picked up my pen,

Dear Sir…

The afternoon waned and still I was writing to him, all of my thoughts on books, life and philosophy poured out on to the paper.

I only stopped writing when I found there was no more paper to be had; I felt a pang of disappointment, there was still so much more I had wanted to communicate, sighing I folded it and then sealed it with sealing wax. I addressed it and laid it beside the bed on the table. Weary I lay down on the bed for a moment, When I next awoke it was already dark, the dinner hour had passed.

I disrobed and got into bed and fell fast asleep till morning.

In the cold light of day when I woke I regretted the letter, I decided I would not send it, I would re-write it and just have it contain a simple request foe his assistance in securing employment.

But when I reached over to remove it from my table it was no longer there, I rang the bell, Maggie entered hurriedly, this was the first time I had ever summoned her. "Yes Ma'am, what will you be needing?"

"Where is the letter I left on my bed side table?"

"Oh, yes, I posted it last night when I came in to bring you dinner. Do you need anything else?"

"No that will be all thank you."

Well, it was done now, there was no way I could undo it. With that resigned thought in my head I began to get dressed.

Two weeks went by and I had not received a reply to my letter.

I began to wonder if it had been lost in the post, and was forming the resolution to write another, when one morning there came a knock at my chambers. I opened the door and stepped back in surprise at the person on the other side, it was little Adele!

She flew into my arms, chattering in childish glee. I returned her embrace with on equally affectionate, and then I looked up and saw Mr. Rochester in the doorway looking down tolerantly on his wards antics.

I stood up hastily, "Mr. Rochester!" He bowed gravely.

Adele pulled at my hand impatiently, "Oh, Miss Eyre, Mr. Rochester is going to take us out to tea this afternoon and I am to go see a show in the park!"

I looked at him puzzled.

"That is quite enough child, go to the corner and amuse yourself there for a moment so Miss Eyre and I can talk."

I looked at him hesitantly, I expected him to resist my request for help in securing a situation. But he made no mention of it.

"Adele has been pining to see you; so as today was a holiday I thought I would bring her by, if you are feeling well enough I thought you could join us at tea."

I nodded; it sounded a wonderful thing indeed to get out of the room for a while and to be able to participate in the bustle of the city I had so long observed.

I went to the closet and pulled out a bonnet, I looked at it, I had never seen it before, but it was simple and suited me. I put it on.

Once in the carriage I kept expecting for him to say something, but he did not, he gave occasional replies to Adele when she grew importunate but that was all.

What did this strange silence mean I wondered? It was not the brooding, sullen silence I had sometimes before observed, it was almost; reserved.

I enjoyed the tea exceedingly, I had never been in a place so fine, and the delicate little cakes were such as I had admired but never allowed to eat at Gateshead.

I was happy to be out in the world once again. Then we drove to the park where there was a Punch show going on. Adele ran to the audience and sat down enraptured, Mr. Rochester never made a move to get out of the carriage, and as I was weary I stayed as well. I felt inclined to be communicative; a month of no other society other than Maggie's had disposed me to be loquacious. I began to talk of the book I had read and the impression I had gathered from them. At first Mr. Rochester's replies were brief, but in a short while he began to ask questions of me and to insert his own opinion of the book in question. I talked on, reveling in the fact I was now able to discuss all I had previously only been able to enjoy in the prison of my mind. I was abruptly brought back to earth by Adele's arrival, the show being over. I was keenly disappointed I still had so much to say. Mr. Rochester's eyes were fixed on me as I was thinking this, and it almost seemed to me I saw a faint smile.

We pulled up at the hotel entrance, "Will I be able to see Miss Eyre tomorrow, Mr. Rochester?" Adele pleaded.

"That will rest in its entirety on Miss Eyre; you had better present your inquiry to her. I have nothing to do with it."

"Oh, please, please, I do so want to come back to see you tomorrow!"

I nodded, to indicate my permission and went up the steps, I felt happier than I had been in months, yet I could not place why.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day came bright and full of spring sun; I opened up the curtains letting in the light. I felt anticipation of Adele arriving, I decided to inquire after her manner of education and if she was happy or not, but I could not recall anything in the past days events that would allow me to think she was being hardly used.

I was tempted to put my hair up in a looser more becoming fashion than before, but I decided against such an innovation, I would stay as plain as ever I had been, I was still a plain governess, and as such I must deport myself and dress.

That morning as I waited for the arrival of Adele and Mr. Rochester I felt a certain unrest of emotion, I was nearly consumed with impatience, I had almost reached a state of irrational anticipation when I heard the lilting sounds of little Adele coming down the hall, my heart began to race and I felt a deep flush infuse my cheeks.

Hastily I went over to my basin and bathed my face to tame the treacherous stain that would betray me, I had hardly finished when there came a knocking at my door.

I opened it at once and Adele flew into the room

"Oh, Miss Eyre, today Mr. Rochester says he will take us to a museum to see many wonderful things! I want to go see the museum of things from other countries, I do not want to see paintings, paintings are dull, please Miss Eyre, do tell him we are not to see paintings today!" As the child romped around me pleading and prattling I raised my eyes to the figure standing in the hall, suddenly it felt as if there was a heavy weight constricting my chest, it became hard to draw my breath.

Mr. Rochester stood there looking at me with a slight smile on his face, but it was the look in his eyes that stole my breath away.

Hastily I turned away and put my hand on Adele's shoulders, quieting her.

"I have never visited a museum before, so any would be a novelty to me, but do not be so importunate Adele, we will decide in a moment."

I gathered my bonnet and walked to the door with Adele tightly clasping my hand.

Attended by Mr. Rochester we got into a coach and were whisked off to a building full of wonderful and outlandish items, I became completely absorbed into the exhibits; it seemed a place pulled from fairyland, never before had I dreamed of seeing such wonderful things.

It seemed as if a book of travels from my childhood had opened up before me and I was transported to there local.

I was fascinated by the horrible grimacing masks from Africa, and the crude unlovely carvings, the held a strange fascination over me, but it was the Egyptian room the I enjoyed the most, I almost felt as if I were witnessing Moses and all of the moments before the Israeli slaves were released from their captivity. I became so entranced in the room I almost forgot Mr. Rochester's presence beside me, almost; but not quite!

I walked around studying everything in great detail, trying to impress its image on my mind, so I could remember it with accuracy and clarity after I was gone.

Hours passed, I was unaware of the passage of time, till suddenly a great weariness over took me and caused me to stumble. I looked around me in surprise, the shadows were long, and the museum was bathed in the deep gold of twilight.

Suddenly a supportive arm was around my waist and I was pulled close, my first instinct was to pull away, but I had over tasked my strength in my eagerness to see everything.

I noticed Adele sitting on a bench yawning and rubbing her eyes.

Then Mr. Rochester spoke almost his first words to me that day.

"Come Miss Eyre, you have over exerted yourself; we will go back to your hotel and have a light supper." I opened my mouth to plead for another quarter of an hour, but he flashed me a look that subdued me, then he continued.

"This museum has been here for a number of years and will still be standing tomorrow if you should wish to return."

He imperiously called to Adele to join us and go to the coach outside.

I was quiet on the ride, my mind was full of the things I had just seen, even when we alighted at my hotel I still felt as if I was walking in a dream, my former proximity to such treasures seemed as it might have all been a dream.

We arrived at my rooms and I was about to join Mr. Rochester in the hall after freshening up, when I noticed Adele curled up on my bed like a tired kitten, I observed her for a moment, she was sleeping so peacefully I did not like to wake her.

Then I decided to ring for my nurse and ask her to stay with Adele while I met Mr. Rochester.

That effected, I met him in the dining room and explained Adele's absence to him. He seemed satisfied, even relived.

"That is just as well, I was beginning to tire of her chatter." Then he engaged me in conversation about all I had seen that day and what my impressions were. I talked till late in the evening, I was vexed when I realized how much I had been talking, how unguarded I had allowed myself to be.

I hastily stood up and excused myself, Mr. Rochester, said he would send a footman for Adele, but I pleaded for her to be allowed to remain the night. At last he consented and walked me to my room.

I turned to him as I was about to enter my room, "Good night sir."

I held out my hand but found myself crushed to his bosom instead. "My Jane!" then just as quickly he released me and excused himself.

I went into my room and closed the door, but I did not sleep all that night.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day dawned humid and warm. Adele was pleasantly surprised to find she was still in my chambers and was flitting around my room like a gay butterfly.

I was filled with a sense of hope and possibility in life.

I could not deny that I was happiest when near my Mr. Rochester, that my life blossomed into a garden of many colors. I felt more radiant and full of vivacity than ever before in my life.

I was beginning to see that a life with him might be possible; he was a single man now, and after a respectable interval maybe we could become engaged.

I shook my head, I needed to cease this unproductive line of thought, and I turned my attention to Adele and smoothing the wrinkles out of her frock as she pirouetted and danced in front of the mirror.

Soon, but not soon enough for me, there was a tapping at the door and Mr. Rochester stood there on the other side of the door waiting to take us to breakfast.

It was a meal filled with silent happiness for me. I was close to the one I loved most in the world and was to spend another day immersed in the enjoyments of the museum.

Once again I was spending my time in pursuits that were the most congenial to my mind and taste.

I was again transported by all the diverting sights and ideas that the museum conjured up to my mind, but I was ever conscious that I needed to remain at a discreet distance from Mr. Rochester, I would find at times we would somehow be standing so close to each other I could hear his breathing, almost feel the beating of his heart. When I would thus catch myself I would force myself to step away and move to another exhibit. I did not get as much out of the visit today, I constantly was in a battle with my mind and heart, they were both rebellious subjects who refused to come under the guidance of my head. I was constantly counseling them to act with decorum and reason, but they in turn protested that I did not know how much longer I was to enjoy his company.

Then later in the afternoon Mr. Rochester informed me that he needed to take Adele back to her school that evening.

It was a blow, a shattering blow I felt to the very core of me, I felt as if I could not bear to be deprived of the one I loved so deeply, I did not want to be parted from him again. Then gathering up my self composure I raised my eyes to his.

For a moment I lost myself, his eyes were so warm and soft, so full of caring and love that I almost forgot to breathe.

Then he spoke, softly, quietly, almost hesitantly. "Never fear Jane, I shall return after the child is safely behind the gates of her school, then we shall have a moment to discuss your letter and the aid you requested."

I was pleased that he had heeded the contents of my letter, but somehow, the day lost its bloom and a foreboding heaviness filled my heart.

When it was time for us to part I alighted at the hotel and stood on the step waving at Adele till she was out of sight, then I turned and went up the stairs to my room.

I sat lost in thought for a good while, I determined that I would request that Maggie be released from service, I had improved to the point a nurse was more of an embarrassment to me than a help. I also would ask him to allow him to repay the money he had spent on me during my illness, I smiled faintly into the dark, I could almost hear his vehement refusal and see the irritated pacing that was sure to follow my request.

But well I knew how to reason with him and guide him to see it rationally, he would curse my pride and animadvert on my independence, then we would come to some sort of compromise.

That night I slept with his letter clasped to me. But my dreams were full of woe.


	11. Chapter 11

I **have** **edited, reworded,** **and** **added** **more** **dialoged** **with** **Rochester** **in** **this** **chapter. So please read, as this will be referred to in later chapters.**

The next day was spent in anticipation of Mr. Rochester's return, but the day passed, slowly, inexorably, there was no sign of my Mr. Rochester. To be sure he had not assigned a specific time for his arrival, but still his absence weigh heavily on me.

Then there was a knock on the door, I hurried to open it, but found only a bellboy with a letter for me. I was slightly puzzled over who could be sending it so I wasted no time in perusing the contents. At last I had received an inquiry about a family who was to be traveling to China shortly and were seeking a governess for two girls.

I put the letter down, China! It was such a long distance from what I knew. I put the letter away, dismissing it from my mind.

I decided that I had been spending too much time absorbed in my thoughts of Mr. Rochester, so I decided to sit down with my paints and work till light failed me.

I quickly became involved with my brush and tints. Then, just as I was beginning to put the last finishing touches on the landscape I felt a presence and turned quickly, I found that I was being scrutinized by Mr. Rochester who to all appearances had been sitting observing me for a while.

I was flustered and slightly annoyed at his clandestine surveillance. But he stood up with his smile that he gave only to me. "Come Jane, I want to take you somewhere." Obediently I put on my bonnet and let him lead me out to the carriage. I asked where it was that he was taking me but I received only that I was to not question; if he had wanted me to be cognizant of our destination he would have given me that information at the beginning of out trip.

I settled myself into the corner across from him quietly, as was my wont. He spoke to the driver and soon we were rumbling across the road. I was aware that this was the first time since my recovery that we had been alone together, but I could not feel uncomfortable.

Then in a much shorter time than I had guessed we stopped and alighted. This time Mr. Rochester retained my hand after assisting me out of the carriage.

"Well Jane, what do you think of it?"

I found myself in a garden full of beautiful and exotic flowers, pathways that trailed and wound through out.

I did not respond at once but followed him as he walked. Then he stopped and retook my hand.

"This is what I most particularly wanted to show you, look there Jane." The view I beheld at that moment was the most beautiful I had ever seen in my life, the setting sun had painted the sky with a beautiful crimson and gold sunset. We stood there till the sun was hidden behind the earth and a pale moon rose and lit the gravel paths. I became aware of a chill settling over the garden, then a few moments later Mr. Rochester took off his coat and placed it over my shoulders.

Then he spoke, "Come Jane, I must get you back, it can not be good for you to be out in the night air so long." He placed my hand on his arm and we walked side by side out of the garden.

Reader! - I knew I was acting unconventionally, even unwisely in thus allowing such intimacy between us, but I felt that the conventionalities of society were extraneous to our relationship; did we not know and understand each other as if we had been together from the beginning of time?

Days passed. In that time I was introduced to many new and wonderful things, Mr. Rochester took me to the library there in London. I was overwhelmed and awed by the amount of wisdom that was there.

Mr. Rochester teased me about how many hours I spent there alone. He declared that he would have to build a university himself to satisfy my love of reading, and then he would playfully muse aloud on the possibility of getting me into Cambridge, wondering if by any means such an unheard of possibility could take place.

But in the midst of all of my happiness, there was a thorn, a cankering sore that spread and festered, dulling and diminishing all of my happiness.

I was keenly aware that I did not belong in the city; the noise and bustle oppressed me at times, till I was near tears.

I was unsure of what direction my life was to take now, of where to go and what to do, Mr. Rochester had dodged any reference to me finding employment and the only offer I had received was the family seeking a governess who was willing to go to China. I decided to send out a letter requesting further particulars.

I have read that in the Highlands there is among the mountain people what is called 'second sight' an eerie premonition of ill to come.

It is said to come in many guises, dreams, visions or knowledge of impending doom.

I had no Scottish blood in my veins that I knew of, I was pure Saxon in bloodline, so it was all the more of a mystery to me when I began to find unexplainable things happen.

The first occurrence was while crossing a street, I had my hand on Mr. Rochester's arm and we were almost to the other side when to my horror, I suddenly was confronted by a wagon a mere three inches from my feet, I was puzzled, I had not heard it approach, nor had Mr. Rochester slowed to let it pass. The wagon slowly passed by and looking into the bed I recoiled in horror, it was a horse, driven to its death by overwork, its eyes were staring and dull, its tongue lolling out of its mouth. I gave a small cry and turned to avoid the sight.

Then I felt Mr. Rochester's arm around me, "Jane! Jane what is it? Are you ill?"

I looked up to tell him, but then I realized the wagon had vanished into thin air, as if it was a mere phantasm.

I was standing so close to the curb there was no possibility of a wagon having passed in front of me. I collected myself.

"It is nothing Mr. Rochester; I will be fine in a moment."

But nevertheless, much to my disappointment he insisted we postpone our trip to the symphony and return to the hotel, I could tell he was uneasy, something was weighing heavily on his mind, for he had been preoccupied all day. But if I dared broach the subject he would give me an unfathomable look and turn the conversation.

Once we arrived at the hotel we had dinner in the dining room. I was still ill at ease in such fine surroundings; I had a tendency to be awed by the gathering of elegant people. Perhaps Mr. Rochester divined what was passing through my mind for he leaned towards me.

"The room is filled with handsome women, but not one has your eyes Jane!" I immediately retorted that anyone else being in possession of my eyes was a near impossibility.

"You little vixen! You know perfectly well what I meant, why do you willfully misunderstand me when I would give you a complement?" He demanded, nettled.

"Well, sir." I demurely replied, "It was my understanding that you were about to descend into a state of foolish and soft sentiments, neither of which does you justice." Mr. Rochester laughed and leaned back in his chair,

"Oh, Jane! I missed you so, but I can see you have not changed in essence or temper since your illness, I declare that with your hair curling as it grows out it makes you more imp like than ever!" Then, abruptly, he ordered me off to bed saying he would meet me in the morning. As I went up to my room I was followed by the strangest feeling , like that of someone following close on my heels who wished me ill, but whenever I turned to look behind me there was nothing.

As I undressed I remembered how I had dreams and premonitions about my Aunt Reed dying, and the dreams of being parted from Mr. Rochester. But I dismissed this as foolish superstition and coincident.

But that night I had a very vivid dream, I was standing in the middle of the Lowood church grave yard looking at Helen's grave. Then suddenly a vine rose out of the ground and twined around my feet holding me fixed to the spot. Then I heard a familiar laughter, I turned to see Miss Blanch Ingram, leaning in close to Mr. Rochester as they went into the church, dressed to be married.

I tried to call out to him, I knew that he did not see the danger she was purposefully leading him into. But he did not heed my calls and walked unwavering into the church that was flaming to the heavens.

I woke covered in perspiration, my heart beating franticly, it was not just the image of the dream, it was the horror I felt that I can never put into words.

I immediately arose to light a candle and spent the rest of the night pondering what all of this could mean.

Then just as the sun rose Maggie came into my room to start a fire.

"Oh, its you, Ma'am, I would not have imagined you up at this hour, though it is provident, there is a woman who just arrived in a great hurry, and says she must see Mr. Rochester as soon as she may, and would you happen to know where he is?"

I shook my head, "No, I do not know where he is staying, who is the woman; I will tell him as soon as I see him this morning."

"I have never seen her about before, but she seems to know him quite well, she says her name is Grace Poole, and I may not should not be tellin' you this, but she told me specifically it was very urgent, and it concerned his wife."


	12. Chapter 12

It has been said many times in novels of various credulity that when confronted with a time of extreme overpowering emotion, especially ire; the person in question saw red.

I have never experienced this particular optical phenomenon myself. But I believe that at that moment I came as close as any person could.

But it was not red, the tincture of rage and passion that I saw, it was the bleak hopelessness of despair; as if in one moment all of the world had faded to grey, and I was surrounded by a wasteland of monochromatic surrealism.

His wife! Once again I had played the fool, yet once again he had betrayed me. I stood there silently as all of my emotions piled on top of one another, I felt my chest constrict, and my heart began to race wildly, I felt as if my head would burst from the wild churning thoughts that overtook me.

Who was I to believe that I could be happy? That a life filled with love and affection should be mine? Folly.

I let out a hollow laugh that quite frightened Maggie; the good woman took to her heels calling that she would call the physician. I can only surmise that she inferred from my expression that I was ill again.

I shut the door and turned the key.

Then I bowed my head and leaned against the door, the meaning of my dreams and visions becoming clearer in my heightened emotional state, I knew what I must do…

**I want to thank you all for your feedback, but I would really appreciate it if you would let me know what I can do to improve this story. I welcome constructive criticism! Paddington**

**5/23 I know I have not updated in a while, I just wanted to let you all know I am working on the next chapter, but my muses are not kind so it might still be a week or two. TTFN**


	13. Chapter 13

The sun was weak and watery as it struggled to pierce the clouds. The coach rocked and jolted as it was pulled over the badly paved road.

I pressed my face into the window futilely wiping the tears that freely flowed down my face, for once I did not try and stop them, and I did not override my emotions with the cold voice of reason.

I took in a deep breath and tried to set farther back into the seat but the rough jolting kept bouncing me forward.

I struggled and raged at life during that long ride, I shook my fist and cursed at fate who had allowed all of this to happen to me.

I was in a perfect frenzy of passion during the ride. I felt as if I was overwhelmed by the tides of emotion that I had kept at bay for so long, now they had burst forth and refused to be reigned in.

I seemed to be in a fog, when hours later, one of the horses came up lame and we were told that we would have to stay overnight at a near by inn, I accepted the information bleakly, I had no money with which to purchase lodging, all I had had been utilized to by my fare. I walked into the dining room and asked the waiter how long of a walk it was to my destination. "Happen about five hours, Miss." he replied, and then he rushed off to attend other customers.

I turned to the door, I had formulated my plan.

It was a cool night, the crickets were singing from the hedges and the moon lit a pale, ghostly path on the road. I had only eight miles to walk that night, I was confident that I could traverse the distance before dawn.

Every step was an almost painful exertion. I felt a tearing sensation with every step that put more distance between me and the man I loved. Once again tears started to form and fall unbidden from my eyes, but still I did not make an attempt wipe them away.

I walked for hours on the deserted, solitary road, only twice did I come upon any living creature on the road, once was when I spied a tinker and his cart pulled over to the side of the road behind some bushes, I could hear the horse cropping at the grass, and the heavy loud sounds of slumber emanating from under the cart. I hurried past; I still had a fear of tinkers and gypsies instilled into me from my nursery days.

The other time was when a coach came thundering at me from the road, causing me to stumble into the sanctuary of a ditch. By the time I had recovered my feet it was no longer visible, having been shrouded in the gloom of night, but I still could hear the hurried beat of the horse's hooves for a full ten minutes, then that too faded and I was left alone and solitary in the silence once again.

I began to be aware of a heavy weariness that was fast overtaking me, I was not yet accustomed to such exertion, but happily I spied silhouetted against the setting moon a spire of a church. In an instant my weariness was forgotten as I was inundated with memories from my childhood. I quickened my steps and fixed my eyes on the landmark. Just when I began to suffer heavily at the hands of unrelenting fatigue I arrived at the church gate. I lifted the latch and slipped into the yard. Far off in the distance a dog barked earnestly at the fading moon.

I looked up into the heavens and whispered a prayer. Then I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for a moment, I was desperately pleading to be allowed to love the one who owned my heart, whom I loved with a deep, true, mad passion that seemed as if it would destroy its host in its very intensity.

But there was no response from the cool impenetrable heavens. I collapsed at the foot of a grave stone with a despairing cry, and then overcome by fatigue and futility I slept.

The last of the moon light illuminated the plain headstone of Helen Burns to which I clung in my sleep.

**Well, I decided to go ahead and post this as a chapter instead of making it longer and having you guys wait till I got inspired again. Hope you enjoy!**


	14. Chapter 14

I awoke a few hours later; there was a red tinge to the rising sun that was peaking over the horizon. I rose.

The church looked dark and gloomy in the mornings new light.

A blustery wind rose and came gusting over the yard. I turned and looked at Helen's grave one last time; it was ill tended and choked with weeds. The sight saddened me, I felt that she deserved better. Then I turned my steps towards Lowood.

The world seemed to be a dreary bleak place, the knowledge that I was returning to my former servitude depressed me.

I gathered my resolution around me like a cloak and continued up the road. A little way up the road I saw the babbling brook that I had stopped at countless times as a footsore child to slake my thirst; I stepped off of the road towards it. But before I could reach the limpid water I was arrested by the hurried sounds of horse's hooves on the road before me.

I stood as if transfixed as the rider brutally reigned in the horse causing him to slide on his haunches at the force of the stop. The rider did not dismount; rather he leapt almost to my very feet.

My heart stood still. It was my Mr. Rochester.

His face was twisted and dark, he was in the grips of very passionate emotions, I could see that well, for an instant I trembled with fear, but then gathered up my resolution and faced him with as much fortitude as I could muster.

He grabbed me by my arms with a force that caused me to emit an involuntary gasp of pain. He thrust his face close to mine; he was breathing heavily, and was trembling from ire.

"Why Jane? Why did you run?"

I did not reply at once, I struggled to escape his painful grasp, twisting and fighting like a mad person. All at once I was consumed with anger that only Aunt Reed or John had been able to elicit from me.

He only tightened his grip on me and shook me. "Why, Jane? Tell me why you ran!"

"You know only too well, _Mr._Rochester. Now unhand me! Let me go!"

"Why, what are you referring to? I demand an explanation!"

"An explanation!" I laughed bitterly staring him in the face. "I owe you nothing Mr. Rochester. Nothing except thanks for the care of me when I was sick; that I have already given to you. I demand that you let me go at once!"

"I will NOT let you go! Not until I have gotten a full and satisfactory explanation! Do you think I would so easily let you go? Do you think that all the patience and sleepless night I endured so you could recover in peace were just going to be discarded on a whim of yours? Do you care nothing of the torments I endured keeping myself away from you? I searched your rooms and found correspondence that indicated you were planning on fleeing to China to evade me; did you really think that I would let you go so lightly, that I would suffer you to flee from me like the plague? You! Who are the best part of me, who redeemed me from a living hell, who gave me the hope to live and endure, who gave life a fuller and sweeter meaning. Who gave me the strength to go on, a reason to live, you thought all this you could just lightly take away and I would not notice it? You are my life Jane. I can not live without you beside me. I will _not_ live without you. Please Jane, Please, tell me what I have done, I will make amends, I will expiate myself, just tell me what I have done to deserve this. "

I thought him mocking me with pretending ignorance. I began twisting and writhing in his arms, I finally resorted to the childish expedient of kicking in my struggle to free myself of his iron grip.

A look of iron obstinacy crossed his face and he lifted me off of my feet and carried me to a tree by the stream.

There he pinioned my arms against the rough bark holding me fast.

He looked at me for a moment and when he next spoke he seemed quieter and more composed, but I knew better, I knew the lowering of his voice only meant that he was controlling himself more, not that his ire had in any way lessened. I could read in his panting breaths that this was but the quietude of a chained lion, not a calming of the storm, one misstep, one second of placidity was all it would take to release the torrent in his soul that could sweep us both to destruction.

"Jane, I will inquire only once more._ Why. Did. You. Run?"_

He was breathing heavily and his face twitched in his passion.

"How could you expect me to stay?" I retorted bitterly. "How could you not believe I would find out? Do you think I am stupid? Do you think I am degenerate? For you dishonorable actions show you must believe me to be one or the other!"

He took a long pause before he softly replied through gritted teeth.

"What dishonorable action have I committed? I defy you to produce evidence to substantiate that assertion!"

"Your **wife,** Mr. Rochester whom you claim was dead. She is all the evidence of your falseness and duplicity that I require."

In a moment I was set free and a look of complete bewilderment tinged with alarm passed over his face.

"My wife…?" He faltered, looking at me as if he suddenly had cause to fear my mental state.

"How dare you! Mr. Rochester, how dare you deceive me once more, you; who almost in the sight of God was the author of my demise, how could you think to try again!

You made me love you; you woke in me a passion that I am daily taunted with. You think it is an easy thing to feel you heart beating along with mine? To be bonded to you in all eternity, and yet know I must never see you again? How do you think it makes me feel? Do you enjoy seeing me suffer the tortures of the damned, do you look at me as another one of you conquests, along with you German and French mistresses, do you laugh to yourself in secret knowing my agony, or are you too stupid to see it?"

I could no longer contain myself; I rushed at him and began pummeling him with my fists.

I began sobbing as I felt my heart breaking. I cried as I had never before cried.

After some time I was aware that I was no longer standing, that I was being held closely in Mr. Rochester's arms.

He was trying to hush and sooth me as one might comfort a distressed child.

I fought to free myself and he immediately set me free. But my treacherous knees gave way and refused to bear me any longer, I fell at the base of the tree.

"Jane, Jane, calm yourself! You will do yourself an injury if you continue like this!"

Gone now was he raging fury I had seen minutes earlier, it was replaced with the gentile, firm look I had grown so accustomed to seeing over the past month.

He pleaded and cajoled me till I was not beside myself with passion.

He stood above me looking down for a moment, then he took a step forwards.

"May I approach, Jane?"

I stared into the stream not responding. He bent and placed a letter on my knee. I looked at in surprise, it was addressed to me. The postage was from Madeira.

I looked up at him.

"I think that this may be the source of confusion."

He stated. "I had told my servants that they were to refer to you as "Mrs. Rochester" if they need to see you.

Grace was only doing as I requested, no more, she is the keeper of what is left of my house, along with her brother."

I looked at him in confusion; it all seemed too much to take in at the moment. He was not married, he had not deceived me!

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Jane, when have you last eaten?" I gave this matter a little thought. "Yesterday breakfast." I stated numbly. He took a deep breath.

"Come." He held out his hand and lifted me. "We will ride to the inn and get sustenance, and then you may read the letter."

I began walking towards the horse but stumbled heavily, I was worn out from the emotion and lack of nourishment. On the second stumble I was swept up in his arms and carried the rest of the way, despite my mumbled protests.

**Did you like it? Please let me know how to make this better! My Muse was NO help on this chapter!**


	15. Chapter 15

The ride to the inn was long and strained. I was rather past my strength, the passion I had given way to had worn me out. Out of very weariness I leaned back and rested my head against the breast of Mr. Rochester. Instantly I felt his arms tighten around my waist.

"Jane, are you well?" I nodded wearily too spent to speak. He spurred his horse to greater speed, a deep sigh seeming to come from the depths.

"Jane, I was foolish with your health, I was so frantic, that miserable wretch I am, I insisted on upbraiding you instead of attending to your health. My Jane! We will be by a fire soon and you will have your fill of nourishing food."

"I must ask you why you ran instead of confronting me with you suspicions, Jane! Never do so again!

I will openly share all you wish, I will be as transparent as glass in any matter you require, but you must agree to ask of me before you bolt to the ends of the earth."

I was too weary to speak, but I nodded. He felt my assent and dropped a soft kiss on the top of my head.

It began to rain softly, the cool moisture reviving the landscape around us as we rode.

When we arrived at the inn yard Mr. Rochester helped me slide down, and then dismounted himself.

I was surprised to find that there had already been a room reserved in my name, and when I entered it I found that there was a trunk of my clothing, with a fresh outfit already laid out by the maid. Smiling to myself I inwardly thanked my Master that had been so foresighted as to provide for me.

Gratefully I donned on the new frock and prepared to descend to the dining room.

The room was dim and full of raucous laughter, I hesitated to enter, such an environment was disturbing and rousing in me an unwonted antipathy. However I walked over to where Mr. Rochester was standing waiting for me to join him.

He leaned in close sensing my discomfort. "Jane, if you wish we can retire to your room and dine away from the noise." I considered it for a brief moment, but was keenly aware that I was being watched by leering men, who would not take the innocent view of a young, obviously unmarried woman going upstairs with a man. I deemed it inadvisable to set the established proprieties at naught. I shook my head emphatically.

"No, I will remain here, I am just not accustomed to the noise."

In an instant he held my hand, "I know Jane, I am sorry, but it seems as if the rain has brought everyone to this way house till the storm blows over."

"Mr. Rochester I assure you I am fine, we need not stay long after we finish our meal at any rate."I responded practically.

"Always sensible." He smiled at me tenderly till my heart skipped a beat. I lowered my eyes to the dingy table cloth. Quite abruptly I suddenly had a flash – it seemed to me that I was running after one I loved, but I could not gain ground, I was being held back by voices that were taunting and mocking me. I was filled with a great despair and a wild worry for the one I was running after. I cried to the heavens for aid, and I was confronted with a stern immovable figure, which seemed to be offering me a choice I was neither willing nor able to make.

I sharply drew a breath and tried to compose myself. Then happily I remembered my letter that I had received from Madeira. I waited till the order was being placed then I retrieved it from my pocket where I had placed it after changing dresses. I began to read it, my eyes widened as I took in the contents. Then I folded it and put it back in my pocket.

Mr. Rochester had finished placing his order and was watching me with ill disguised impatience.

I decided to tease him a little and took no notice of his obvious desire to be informed of the contents.

I slowly sipped at my cup of tea wondering just how long he could with stand the impatience.

After fidgeting for some minuets in silence he at last abruptly burst out. "Witch! You know that I am beside myself! Why will you not divulge the contents of your correspondence?"

I looked at him as quietly as was my wont, "You may read it if that is your wish." I handed the letter over to him. He snatched it from my hand with a half amused, half irritated growl.

I studied his face closely as he perused the letter.

A look of complete amazement came over his face and he lowered the letter and looked at me, I returned his gaze steadfastly, he dropped his eyes and began reading again. He read through it several times as if to assure himself that this was indeed real. Then he gave me the letter back.

At last he broke his sullen silence with a snarl. "Well now that you are an heiress worth twenty thousand pounds you will part from me and go your own way in life, I have no doubt."

I smiled inwardly, "That shows how little you know of me yet, my Edward." I thought. But I decided that I would tease him a little longer.

"Twenty thousand pounds will enable me to carry out my ambitions in life that is true, sir; I might even decide to travel to many of the parts I have longed to explore as a child." Abruptly he stood up causing his chair to crash to the floor causing the conversation in the room to pause. He ran his hands through his hair in an agitated manner, then he turned to stride away, at that moment I caught a glimpse of raw anguish on his face.

Immediately I repented my tormenting him. I rose to my feet as well and hurried after him, not noticing a shadowy figure following behind. I noticed the same tinker's cart I had passed previously in the yard.

I entered the stable where he had taken refuge; he was leaning against the wall with his hands clenched. I softly walked up behind him and placed my hand on his shoulder. I was shocked to realize they were shaking, I was directly flooded with remorse at how deeply I had wounded him in my jest.

"Mr. Ro.., Edward. I am sorry. It was wrong of me to torment you thus, I am sorry, please turn and face me."

His face was full of wild despairing and pain as he looked at me. "Jane!" His voice was husky and low.

"Sir, I was perhaps not as clear as to what dreams that this money would enable me to follow, to what use I could put it to."

He waved his hand, "I understand only too well, Jane You do not need to spell it out for me."

"But I wish to, I wish to share this with a friend that can rejoice with me."

A groan burst from him, I noticed that his fingernails had dug bloody crescents in his hands.

I grabbed them in my own hands.

"Edward, do you not see what this money means to us? It means that I can consent to be your wife and not feel degraded; it means I can hold up my head knowing that I have brought something to you, and that I can repay you for your kindness to me. Edward! It means we can be man and wife."

In an instant I was grabbed up and smothered in his arms, he was gulping air as if he had just finished running a long race. "Oh, Jane! I thought I had lost you! I was sure you would leave me forever now that you were an independent woman!"

"No, Never again." I vowed. "I will be by your side and love you as God intended till we die, I will give you my whole heart and life, and you will be by better part, my love, my only passion."

"Oh, is this real? Can God really have allowed us to be together? Jane, I promise that I will cherish you as the most precious gift, which indeed you are, my hope, my light, my everything! Jane! Jane! Jane!"

"Hush sir, do not worship me to much, love me with a lesser passion so it might last the longer."

"What sort of nonsense are you talking about?" He demanded puzzled.

I smiled up at him, "Why the poet who sang,

'Love me little. Love me long

Is the burden of my song,

Love that is too hot burneth soon to waste.'

"Who wrote that?" he demanded

"It was anon, sir"

"As well it should be! Anybody foolish enough to write that has never felt a passion like mine!"

Reader – we stood there in the stable among the horses surrounded by our love and the knowledge that there were to be no more obstacles to our union. It was a feeling so full of bliss that I almost mistrusted it; it did not seem as if I was meant to be so happy.

Of course Edward declared that we should get married at once, and I had a difficult time dissuading him. Only after I had insisted how unseemly it would be to be married directly after his wife's and my Uncle's demise did he relent and agree to another six months.

The rain had lessened in its intensity so we headed back to the dining room hand in hand.

I had now completely forgotten my premonition and the feeling of dread it imparted.


	16. Chapter 16

I leaned out my window and listened to the soft sound of the falling rain in the yard below. Mr. Rochester had declared that we would leave the inn once the worst of the rain had passed, But as I had never regarded rain as a deterrent to a walk I decided that I would take a walk over to the Lowood church and once more visit Helen's grave.

I donned on my cloak and hastily scribbled a note to Mr. Rochester telling of my destination. I slipped it to a servant to deliver to him then I gathered my cloak around me and set out towards where the grim steeple seemed to meet the lowering clouds.

I could not help but let my mind wander on the unexpected good fortune that had befallen me.

It seemed difficult to realize that now good fortune was mine, the fickle face of fortune had now ceased to look upon me with severity and was beaming on me with unreserved beneficence.

I slowed my steps as I approached the churchyard; a weak watery light was pushing its way through the clouds turning all the drops of precipitation to flashing diamonds.

I slowly entered the cemetery plot and walked to where Helen's earthly remains were buried. It seemed as if heaven had heard my plea that I had so desperately uttered the night before in this very spot.

I sat and regarded the plot pensively, and then I got on my hands and knees and began to pull the weeds that were choking the plot. I formed the resolution to have a proper stone placed here and a small stipend to be paid to some one to tend this little grave, I became aware of a presence behind me, I turned to see my Mr. Rochester looking down on me with a look of contentment such as I had never before seen on his beloved visage.

I rose to my feet looking in his eyes and before I knew it I was in his arms, we did not say anything to each other, it was one of the times when words were not needed between us, and we were perfectly content to be there near each other.

**I am sorry it has taken me so long to update, I have a close family member who is terminally ill. I may not be updating very much for a while but, please, do not despair, I WILL finish this when things calm down a bit.**

**Thank you for you patience and understanding dear readers!**


	17. Chapter 17

After what seemed a mere second, but could have been eternity, Mr. Rochester spoke my name; I could not help a slight smile of mirth, his breath tickled in my ear. He stepped back almost reproachfully.

"What now, minx? I speak your name and you find it a jest?" I hastily stepped back and shook my head, smiling to myself.

"I was merely going to point out it is becoming dusk, and as much as I long to stay out in this damp graveyard in your beloved arms, I think it would behoove you more if you were to be curled up near a fire partaking of a dinner of rather dubious standards."

I looked up at the sky; it was evident that evening was fast approaching, and I began to see the prudence in his suggestion. I held out my hand to him and instantly it was seized in his grasp. For a moment I was overwhelmed with a most urgent but unladylike desire to pull his face down to mine and kiss him. In another second sanity had once more taken control and I was left in horror of my impulse. I pulled myself free of the hand I had sought just a moment earlier, and fled out of the churchyard as if I was being chased from there by a preternatural figure risen from the tombs below.

It was several seconds time before I was joined by Mr. Rochester. I at first thought he would demand of me the reason I had so precipitously fled, but he did not. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and could see a faint smile on his visage. But why? Surely he could not have surmised the reason for my abrupt departure?

The very thought of this caused a rush of blood to my face and a flood of humiliation. But Mr. Rochester did not heed; he mercifully did not see the blush. He merely stepped to my side as we walked down the lane.

As we walked towards the inn, I was aware of a curious reluctance; it was not only that the inn was dirty and cramped, there was some other matter at the edge of my subconscious. I decided it was a natural desire to remain out in the solitude with Mr. Rochester; for, he was at once the most dear and most treasured person in the world. I could not help but be alarmed at the possibility of becoming blinded to all else but him.

As we approached the inn, I could hear the riotous laughter from the dining room. I hesitated. It seemed too much of a contrast to the peaceful evening I had experienced to enter the crowded , noisy enviroment.

Mr. Rochester divined my reluctance to enter the establishment.

"I can give orders to have a carriage made ready; we could depart in an hour if that is your wish. " I gratefully nodded my head and replied,

" I do not mind traveling at night or in the elements. The sooner we return to London, the sooner things will be more as they're wont."

"Are you sure you do not object? There might be rain later on the road, and it is a poor enough road as it is."

"I have said I do not mind." I replied quietly.

"Ever the practical soul, Jane." he said, bending down to kiss me, "Well then, that is settled. I shall see about getting underway immediately; I will meet you down here in an hour. Give the waiter directions to bring your belongings down and have them placed on the carriage."

Reader, the tumult of feeling that rose in my breast when he placed his lips on mine was such as I had never before experienced in my life. I felt weak all over as if somehow the kiss were stealing forth my very life force. I was giddy and lightheaded, as if I had over indulged in strong libations; but, I reflected, was not this declaration of our love itself almost a libation? Shaking these thoughts from my head, I entered the inn.

The noise was almost a physical force to be contended with when I entered the room. I hastily made my way up the dark twisted staircase and into my room. I feverishly gathered my items together and prepared to meet Mr. Rochester in the yard. I descended the stairs and decided to wait outside till the conveyance was ready. I was keenly aware that the cloister-like solitude of my childhood had made me unfit for loud or boisterous crowds. I knew it was a flaw; I should be able to deal with any group of people with a certain level of equanimity that I just did not have the resources to possess.

I considered myself fortunate that Mr. Rochester did not have any more proclivities for crowds than I; there was no fear of being forced into awkward situations with fine people.

I gave a contented smile; we were a good fit, my Edward and I.

"So what has you smiling in such a secretive way, my little elf?" queried my master, coming up behind me.

"I was thinking how mutually compatible we are for each other," I stated. He encircled me with his arms.

"As always, I agree with your insight." He beamed. "I just came to tell you that the horses are ready and impatient to whisk us away to our destination."

He held out his hand, "Shall we depart my love?"

Happily, I put my hand in his and sprung into the carriage. He shut the door after me, and then mounted up on his horse.

The moon was shining a pearly path on the road. I leaned forward and looked out the window; I could not help but reflect on the changes in my fortune that a mere twenty four hours had effected.

I was now an independent woman of substantial means; I was reunited with my love and all seemed right with my world. I resolved that I would no longer give into the fear that this was fleeting. I made up my mind to embrace my life and fold the good fortune to my bosom. I could do untold good with my means, and it surely was a blessing from God that I was to steward cautiously.

Tired after my tumultuous days, I leaned back on the seat and for the first time in many days felt myself being drawn into the arms of peaceful slumber.

I was awoken by a fearful shouting; the carriage lurched, almost throwing me to the floor. There was indistinguishable shouting from the driver and the sound of angry horses that had been reined in too abruptly.

"Halt! Stop the horses and I swear that no one will be hurt!"

I heard and exclamation from Mr. Rochester"Damnation!"

"What is it; what has happened? Have we lost a wheel?" I called. Mr. Rochester rode close to the window and in a low tone admonished me to stay still. I complied.

I can not help but to believe that being constantly excluded from the momentous thing in life, to be constantly forced to be a mere spectator as events unfold is a good deal to blame for the hysterics and palpations of my sex; far harder it is to sit by and do nothing than it is to take action and resolve whatever crisis occurs. I know this to be an injustice to women, for many are as capable of handling any emergency as a man.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted; I began to recall my premonitions. I was filled with a feeling of dire danger and woe.

"What is the meaning of this? I demand an explanation!" Mr. Rochester exclaimed.

There was a shout of laughter. I could hear the sound of rapid French being spoken but could not quite make out what was being said over the pounding of my heart. Then the voices came closer.

"Why Monsieur, we are but tax collectors collecting fees on the road." More laughter greeted this pleasantry.

Then I heard sounds of scuffling outside the door and surmised that Mr. Rochester was attempting to resist the robbers. There was the slick sound of metal on metal as a sword was drawn. "Now then sir, none of that if you please," snarled the man who seemed to be the leader.

The voices grew distant and muffled, but I could still hear my Edward hurling imprecations at their heads. I remained in the carriage, trembling as the voices once again drew closer. I stifled a cry of alarm as the door was flung open. A lamp was thrust in, "Why what have we here? What a pretty treat my lads!"

I was roughly grabbed and drug out onto the road into a circle of men. I looked around for Edward and caught a glimpse of him off the road being guarded by a ruffian. I realized my best chance of escaping this was to still my nerves and remain calm.

"What is it you want with us?" I demanded in French. The leader looked momentarily taken aback. Then with a swagger, he recovered,

" Well, in short mademoiselle, we require money; however, if there is not a sufficient amount aboard, I am sure other arrangements could be made!" His comrades gave a shout of laughter at this rude sally. He gave me an evil leer that, sheltered as I was, was impossible not to comprehend the meaning of. I felt panic constricting my lungs as if it were too tight a corset; bile rose in my throat. I fought to remain calm and looked at the highwayman with a unblinking gaze, for a moment his eyes faltered, but then I heard a roar like that of an enraged animal as Mr. Rochester rushed towards me, but he was rudely grabbed and pulled back by two of the bandits. I heard the sound of repeated blows and realized that he was being beaten. This was too much; I had to help him somehow. I must do something. I lost my composure and attempted to rush to his aid, but I was restrained by iron hands. I was aware of the sound of cloth ripping and I realized that the top seam of my bodice had given way, leaving me partly exposed in my corset. I tried to shield myself from the intrusive gazes of the men. Things thereafter took on a surreal quality; time seemed to move with cruel slowness, every second dragged out as an eternity to me. Yet, at the same time, it seemed to be moving faster than I could comprehend.

I saw Mr. Rochester shake off his assailants and once more rush towards me; the leader released me and stepped forward. I could see everything that happened next quite clearly in the savage moonlight. I screamed but Mr. Rochester did not heed; he did not hear my warnings, nor, I think, in his mad dash did he see the sword that flashed out and impaled him in the moonlight.

**I owe many, many thanks to Mockingbyrds Tune for her skillful and gracious beta-ing of this chapter.**

**I also would like to note that I fixed an error that occurred when I was editing last week resulting in duplication of a chapter. Thank you for bring it to my attention.**


	18. Chapter 18

What happened next was pandemonium, there were curses from the brigands as they realized they had escalated from highway robbery, to the murder of a gentleman, I saw my captor run into the shadows of the woods; I quickly reached into the carriage for a shawl with which to cover myself and ran to Mr. Rochester side and knelt beside him. He was still conscious but in great pain, He tried to speak but the effort was too great.

I had formerly been tested with the sight of blood, but this was different, the amount of the gore that gushed from the wound was overwhelming. I desperately attempted to staunch the flow. I called for help, but it seemed our driver had deserted us when the opportunity to do so presented itself.

I pressed my hand deep into Mr. Rochester's shoulder but the action caused him to moan and writhe in such pain that I withdrew my hand. I started to rise to my feet to go to the carriage to see if there was anything I could use as a bandage, but as I rose my hand was seized by Mr. Rochester.

"Jane!" he managed to wheeze out, I looked down at his beloved face, and it seemed as if my heart would break. To love a person so entirely, to see them in such overwhelming pain and be completely unable to ameliorate the suffering, was a form of acute torture I should not have wished on my worst foe.

Mr. Rochester clung to my hand in a grip as tight as it was desperate, his eyes were full of suffering and pain, I leaned in close over him.

"I shall not leave you Edward, I shall not go."

A look I could not understand passed over his face before being replaced by a spasm.

"Jane…" I saw in horror that there was a pink foam gathering at the corners of his mouth. I knew that it could be but a very sever wound that had been inflicted.

"Jane." he applied pressure on my hand to draw me closer,

At that moment as I looked at him I saw such depth and intensity of love that it near overcame me. Such a depth as I always imagined was only found in the depths of the ocean; such intensity as must be felt at the heart of a volcano.

"You must not stay, you must go, the robbers may come back at any time, it is not safe for you."

He seemed as if he would say more but weakness seemed to overcome him and his eyes were obscured by unconsciousness.

I rose to my feet in desperation; to leave him alone was unthinkable, absurd to the extreme, I would no sooner consider leaving him lying along the road, bleeding and near death than he would do the same to me.

I looked towards the carriage and formed the resolution to lift Edward into the conveyance, but such a resolution was more easily formed than effected, to lift a muscular man was for my slight frame, no small matter.

I was also worried about the possibility of harming him by moving him. However there seemed to be no other option to get the aid so desperately needed.

As gently as I was able I lifted his shoulders and began to pull him towards the carriage.

Then, in the distance I could hear the welcome sounds of hoof beats, in an instant I had gently lowered Edward and was running towards the sound of help.

It was an unlikely sight that met my eyes when the source of the sound became apparent; it was the peddler's cart that I had seen earlier at the inn, and most likely the same I had passed on the road when I was on foot in the night.

But this time I did not hesitate, I ran towards the cart waving my arms.

In a moment the horse was pulled up and the driver was leaning over the side, scrutinizing me.

"Well, now; what might the matter be?" In an instant I had communicated the emergency to him.

He nimbly jumped off the cart and hurried to where Edward lay.

He pulled his lip thoughtfully as he inspected him, then he turned to me.

"It looks a sight worse than it really is Miss, he will do fine if we can get him to a doctor in a short amount of time."

But behind his brave words I saw worry.

He quickly went to the cart and brought back a ragged blanket; he carefully staunched the flow of blood and constructed a rude bandage.

"There, that will do very well; Miss, now, if you will just help support him as I lift him into the cart… That will do nicely, there now, he couldn't ask for a snugger situation! Well, perhaps he could do with another blanket but that cannot be helped, he has my only one in wrapped around him!

Not to worry, he will do nicely; we would not want to hold the fever down any ways."

During this barrage of words I could see the peddler was a little man, with a shock of unruly hair that tufted over his head, his clothes were worn, but clean and mended well.

I impatiently indicated the necessity of reaching medical assistance, somewhat annoyed by the loquacity of our benefactor.

"Ah, yes, yes, never worry, we shall do very well, we shall be off in a flash, like a shot! No one can hold a candle to Thanatos here! Once he gets started it is as much as I can do to hold him! When he gets going it can take as much as three men to pull him down to a stop, never worry Miss, we shall all do very well, by and by, all is needed at this moment is to release the poor beasts tied to the carriage, 'twould be a shame to leave them helpless and hitched to that thing, but free they will be free to go back to their stable and be snug, Yes, they shall do very well , nicely indeed once they are free to go.

Just one minute, and it will be all done. I suspect you are thinking it is an odd name for me to name my horse, quite right, it is an odd name, and I'll be the first to admit it, many a time I have sat as my fellow peddlers have tried to pry the secret from me. But you look as if you might be such a one as knows the meaning, for all you are a woman, begging your pardon, and not meaning no disrespect at all to you! Miss." Hardly aware of what I was saying I indicated that no offence had been taken by me, and in fact none had as I was but dimly aware of the words that seemed to pour endlessly from the man.

Chafing at the delay I climbed inside the cart and sat beside my Edward, his complexion was becoming more pasty and clammy than before, I leaned out the cart to admonish the peddler to hurry, but I saw the horses had been released from the carriage and a jolt showed that we were on our way.

I am not sure if it was my impatient desire, or if Thanatos was less fleet than his master asserted, but it seemed as if an eternity was passing. I kept looking out the back of the cart to ascertain how close we were to the inn.

The scenery slowly unfolded as I held Edward hand, I stroked his brow and prayed that God would sustain my beloved till we could reach succor.

Then suddenly,

"Jane! Are you well? Where am I?"

I grasped his hand,

"You are being taken to the inn, you will be fine, my Edward, please stay awake. We will be there soon."

With a considerable effort he reached his hand up and stroked my cheek, brushing away tears I was unaware of shedding.

"My Jane! Do not cry, it distresses me to see you thus, do not waste tears on me; I am much too obstinate to be shuffled off by a bunch of highway brigands. Jane, Jane, my love, my life, what would I do without you?"

I started to respond but saw he had again slid into a stupor.

I cried out for the driver to hurry, and clasped my Edwards hand close. Never had I felt so desperately frightened, never had I felt so hopeless.


	19. Chapter 19

Presently, in spite of Thanatos's reluctant gait and my fevered impatience we arrived at the wayside inn we had departed from that same evening.

I instantly leapt to the ground and ran into the inn, calling for the inn keeper to come and assist in carrying my Edward to a room,

At first he seemed inclined to resent my hasty entrance and importunity, but once I had made the urgency clear to him (And slipped him some money from Edwards wallet) he became all efficiency and helpfulness, he placed Edward in the best room and called for one of his stable boys to ride the swiftest horse and fetch the apothecary from his slumber.

He even brought me a cup of tea after I had installed myself by Edward's bedside.

He was still unconscious, and pale, but there was no return of the pink foam that had so alarmed me previously.

I gazed at him earnestly; he seemed so different than his usual vital self, lying there on the bed, so quiet and motionless.

I reached forwards and placed my hand over his, somehow, a feeling of peace and serenity had overtaken me, I was confident that now everything was going to be alright.

With this feeling I began to nod off and dream of weird fantastical places and exotic destinations, the air seemed to be saturated with smells from a market nearby, even the light was strange to me in this place. It seemed to me that we strolled together, my beloved and I, arm in arm in perfect contentment, no words were spoken, yet I felt as if I had something I wished to impart to Edward, just as I was on the fringe of saying something, as in fact I had uttered but one syllable, and he had turned his head to me to attend, I was awoken.

For a moment I had a sense of loss, I was so happy in my dream I was reluctant to come out of it and into the present.

But in a matter of a moment I had recollected myself; my awakening was caused by the arrival of the apothecary down in the courtyard.

I hurried to the dingy window and looked below, I caught but the top of his hat as he stepped into the inn, and in a matter of seconds I head the approaching sound of footsteps.

The door was thrust open without the ceremony of knocking and I was brushed to one side as the man bent over his patient, after what could have been no more than thirty seconds he turned a piercing eye on me.

"Were you with him when this happened?" I nodded and offered as concise of an explanation as I could, he looked at me for a moment taking in my state of dishevelment.

"Are you his wife?" He demanded gruffly casting his eyes towards my left hand; I had to shake my head to this question. My heart sinking as I realized where this was tending, I was to have to leave Edward and go below, unless I was to let them think the worst of me and my relationship with my beloved.

Reader- that may well have been one of the hardest things in my life, walking away from the one I loved so well and leaving him in the hands of others, The very floor itself seemed to be offering opposition to my retreat, every fiber of my being cried to stay beside him, let them think what they may!

But I knew that I could not thus lend myself to a sordid deception to gain my own end, double iniquity it would be to stay and foster their suspicions.

I slowly went out and closed the door, descending the dark stairs to the gloomy dining room below where the only light was from a tired fire that flickered half heartedly in the hearth.

At that moment I realized how weary I was and what a toll the day had taken on my reserves, with I sigh I sat down on the chair, not even caring that it was owing its sticky appearance to some gravy having been dropped liberally on its surface.

I had only time to take one breath before I heard the scuffing sound of a chair being drug to the table.

It was my friend the peddler, he was beaming at me good naturedly.

"Come now Miss, don't you fret a bit on it! I am sure all will come out well by and by, and yon gentleman will do very well indeed I have no doubt. Jenkins is very well known indeed in these parts, in fact, there is not a servant or farmer hereabouts that does not swear by him and his healing powers, In fact I know for a sure fact that he cured farmer Whitby's cow of milk fever, it was just like magic it were!

You see when a cow is having milk fever…"

Here I hastily broke into the monologue; I was in no frame of mind to listen to a history of the local stock and their ailments.

"I am afraid I offered but small thanks when I arrived here, I would like to make it up to you, I am indeed grateful for your service..."

"Here! None of that, none of that! Not at all, not by any means! I only did what any Christian man or woman would do, well most of them at least, have you ever noticed that the ones as say it the most act it the least?

Anyway as I was saying, No, put your purse away! I do not require any remuneration; I live a simple life, no possessions to burden me down, and I would not add to my burden with unnecessary money. No, there is no need looking to obligated, as I said any Christian.., well, there is one thing if it is really such a weight on your mind, I can see you are one as can not rest till she has paid off her debts, why don't you just tell the innkeeper to fix Thanatos up with some of the finest oats and some deep straw I am sure he would, I know Thanatos would rest nicely as well, ah, yes that brings to mind about his name, I distinctly remember you expressing curiosity about the name, and quite right and proper too, it is not the most common of names to be sure..."

I saw at once it would be in vain for me to protest that I had expressed no curiosity over the name; in fact I had forgotten all about it. The man's conversation was like the tide, it had a certain inevitability about it, there seemed no way to stem it without being outright rude. I could not help but strain to hear any sounds that might come from above me, I felt myself quivering in my impatience to return to Edwards's side. I but I could detect no sounds.

"..So since Zoë only lived for three months I decided to cheat fate and name my next one Thanatos, and so far it has worked capitally, he has not had so much as a bout of thrush since I have had him. So I am pretty sure I have out witted fate with my clever trick! So you see… Ah, that would be the Apothecary now, well, I am sure you want to go up and see…Bless my soul, ah you do be quick and spry I am sure! Watch your footing on the stairs; they do not keep them overly well mended."

His voice faded into the distance as I fled up the stairs to where I had heard the door slam.

**Wow, it is hard to believe I am so close to the end of this story! It makes me sad in a way to bring it to a close, but as they say all things must come to an end, unless I turn this into The Never Ending Story!**

**So I just wanted to say thanks to all you wonderful readers, and I hope the next few chapters will meet with your approval!**

**On the bright side, now I have wrapped this up I will be able to start on a few more Jane Eyre stories that I have dreamed of since I was a child.**


	20. Chapter 20

When I got to the room and had received the instructions from the Apothecary as to the care Edward needed to receive. I also instructed the innkeeper not to spare any expense for the peddler's beloved horse.

Then at last I was able to sit beside the bed and be near to him again. He would be fine, it was a deep wound but it had bypassed anything vital.

He was sleeping off the effects of a draught that had been administered for the pain. I sat beside him till morning was beginning to softly glow on the horizon. I looked out the window with relief, the night had seemed so long and dark, at times I wondered if it would pass at all.

A raucous crowing from cockerels' in the stables caused Edward to stir, and slowly open his eyes, immediately his hand sought mine. He grasped it in his firm, warm grip and tried to speak, but was too hoarse; I assisted him to sit and supported him as he drank some water.

Then he turned to me.

"Well, Jane? Will I live?" I could see the humor in his eyes and heard the bantering in his tone.

"No, sir, I am afraid you have a case that is likely to be the end of you, and for the life of me I can not tell how it is to be remedies or a cure effected." I returned in the same light tone.

"Ah, and just what might that be?"

"Why stubbornness sir, I was informed this wound would have been enough to prostrate most men for a good while, where as you showed you usual tenacity and stubbornness by choosing to overcome this and be rather alarmingly well considering!"

"Pixie! Sprite! You delight in tormenting me!"

He gave a fond laugh, and then grimaced as the pain from his shoulder asserted itself.

I lowered him to his pillow and asked him if there was anything I could do.

"Just stay by me, talk to me, my Jane, I want to hear your lovely voice, tell me how you managed to get help and bring me here?"

I took a deep breath and began the narrative of his unlikely rescuer.

At one point in the story he interrupted me when at last his curiosity was piqued past his power of control.

"Wait Jane! Are you telling me that I was rescued by an itinerant peddler, driving a horse named Death? Are you quite sure that you were not injured somehow? Maybe the stress of the past months has overcome you. Such a happening is nigh incredible, more likely am I to be persuaded to believe you used your occult powers to conjured a phantom conveyance out of the mist and air!

I testily informed him that nothing of the sort was the case, and in fact I should send for the peddler and he should see for his own doubting self that it was not a figment of my purportedly overtaxed imagination.

I went to the door and called for the innkeeper to fetch the peddler, but was informed that there was no sign of him; it appeared he had left during the night.

I turned towards the bed somewhat flustered and received some gentle chafing on the actual existence of "my hero" as Edward was wont to dub him.

Then as I was insisting in the veracity of my tale I could see that his eyes were fastened on me in an earnest way.

"Is there some monstrous deformity on my visage that you stare so intently? Or is there some other reason you gaze at me as if transfixed?"

I was surprised to see that his eyes were filling with moisture, I was filled with alarm and for a moment I felt apprehension that there was something wrong, I leaned over him in alarm.

'What is the matter are you in pain? Shall I call for assistance?"

"No Jane, there is no need, I am fine, but I confess I am overwhelmed, overwhelmed by my good fortune and the realization of what a treasure I have in you, Oh Jane! Jane! What have I done to deserve your loyalty and love like this? As flawed and as rough as I am, all the mistakes I made, you are still as true and steady as if I never abused your trust, Why Jane? Why do you still associate with me?

Oh, Jane, I love you so much, you are such a generous spirit!

I am unworthy of your love, yet you still stand by me as faithful and true of a friend as any man could ask for!"

"Now hush with that sir, there is no need for your self-recrimination, after your care and attentiveness to me when I was ill this is the least I could do.

As for staying by you, I see no merit in doing what pleases me the most, there is no special sacrifice involved in it. Near to you is where I am the most happy, I feel the passage of time less onerous when I am with you, you are my life Edward and I…"

At this point I choked and could no longer proceed.

I felt overwhelmed by emotion that as ready with words as I usually was, words failed me, but words were not needed between us.

Edward took my hand and kissed it reverently.

We sat thus for a while, perfectly content in each other's company, the sounds of the stable below seemed far off and somehow unreal as if all that was real and true in the world was us.

Then, later I broke the spell and moved to procure a drink of water.

When I handed it to Edward he looked around the room and asked how soon we could move to a different location.

I said the apothecary had indicated it would be a matter of a week or so.

"Nonsense, I will not submit to being here for so prolonged a time! We shall start off in the morning for London!"

I remonstrated that it was too soon but he remained obdurate and insisted I make the necessary arrangements. It took a fair amount of persuading, but at last I convinced him that we were willing to pay handsomely for it and it was affected.

The next morning the sun rose bright and full of promise, and I felt a hope and anticipation that I had never before experienced. It seemed as if the world was washed and pure, and that ours was the first love to be. It was a good morning.


	21. Chapter 21

**One year later.**

I sat at the window that overlooked the vast, sandy, desert of Arabia. I was on my honeymoon trip with my Edward. I was blissfully happy to the very core of my being; I had never dreamed that there could be a felicity equal to this, of loving and being loved in return, fully, completely, passionately.

The air blew in hot and full of spices through the window.

Once again I looked out to where the unending sand met the horizon, where the air shimmered and danced in the distance.

Below me wild native music was being played. I smiled, this was so much like my dreams as a child I would occasionally have to stop and reassure myself that this was a real moment, not just a chimera that would vanish into the imagination.

Reader- I can see you are asking about Mr. Rochester and how he faired after the attack, his recovery was quick and uneventful, the brigands were never found, it was concluded that they had returned to France to escape the English law.

We removed back to London, and I brought little Adele to live with me till we were married.

As for the marriage, we became married as most do; in a quiet church, in a quiet town. This auspicious event took place just nine months after the events outside of Lowood. I remember that the birds sang as I had never before heard them, as if they too shared our overwhelming jubilation.

Then we had left just three months ago to travel the world.

I could not help but be amazed by how my life had changed in so short of a time.

Then suddenly, I had a need to tell my story of hope and despair, of lessons and love triumphant. I thought of all the places to start, my mind retracing the winding paths that my life had taken; and then suddenly I knew… I took up my pen and wrote out a single line. "There was no possibility of taking a walk that day."

Then as the shadows grew long and the light ever more gold, I heard the voice of my beloved coming towards the room. I smiled and placed my hand over my stomach, I had a delightful secret to share with him. I ran to open the door for him. "Edward!"

**The End**

**I want to dedicate this story to my father, my cheerleader, who taught me that perseverance will get you almost anything in this world.**

**Who was absolutely convinced that my writing from age five till now was on the level with Shakespeare,**

**Who never let me down when I needed him. Who loved me unconditionally, no matter what.**

**My teacher, my mentor, but most of all, my FRIEND. R.W.T. 19--2008**


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